I simply love this quote by Jim Butcher, author of the amazing Dresden Files Novels. It quite sums up my feelings about non-custodial motherhood.
August 6th will mark my 14th year as non-residential mom. 14 years ago I made a choice. I chose what I believed was the best thing for my son at the time. I chose his father as residential custodian.
The intentions that led to that choice were:
- The continuation of LM#1’s education in the same school system.
- His continued residence in the house he grew up in.
- A stable support system that included my retired Ex-In-Laws
- A permanent home, versus a life of temporary garden apartments
- A parent who could be there at the drop of a hat (TheEx worked for IBM at the time, from home).
When I chose to Boston 9 years ago, my intention was to ensure the continued payment of child support, a feat that seemed unaccomplishable in New Jersey.
Anyone can give birth to a child. The true test of parenting is when you put your child’s needs over your wants and desires. I never wanted non-residential custodianship. I don’t think anyone ever does. I wanted my son to live with me full-time. I still do.
My intention in bringing a child into this world was always to put his needs over mine. My intention continues to be to raise the best child I can by helping to create the best life for him that I can. Therefore, my choice is to remain Non-Custodial.
...as much as I hate it…
