Posted in custody, distance parent, non-custodial mom, non-residential parent, parenting

Non-Custodial Pandemic Parenting: The COVID-19 Travel Rabbit Hole

I adopted a dog – a second dog, Rocky, our Boxer Mix, adopted us from  Lowell Humane Society back in October – to occupy the “Mom” part of my mind during the current, seemingly endless, COVID-19 Crisis. Ella, a rescue from Last Hope K9, is settling in nicely. Nicely enough that I gave up a whole Sketcher.

Not much of a loss. The Sketchers had pink glitter accents.

I don’t do pink. I don’t do glitter. Don’t ask me why.

Despite Ella, and Rocky’s best efforts – housetraining at 2:30 a.m. in the rain anyone? How about 140 lbs of dogs roughhousing on the bed while you’re trying to get to sleep? – my MomBrain is very much unoccupied, leaving it free to focus 24/7/365 on the conspicuous absence from my life of the best and most important part of my life, my son.

It’s been 4 months to the day since I spent time in person with Leading Man #1. I walk down to his room at the end of the hall – I store the vacuum cleaner in his closet because it’s mostly empty – almost every day and run my hands across the bed. I look at the white erase and chalk boards set up for this last, last minute-cancelled, visit. I take note of his X-Box games, and his sweatshirt on the chair.

I wish he were here.

I am sitting, patiently waiting for this Coronavirus insanity to reach its peak in Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York, and New Jersey. I am hoping against hope that it will happen in the next week, and I can spend my son’s spring break with him.

I know it won’t happen.

Periodically I consider just disinfecting my trusty Toyota Camry with bleach, loading up on hand sanitizer, raiding my fabric closet and making a face mask, and hitting the road. If I get up at 3:00 a.m., I can make Boston to Bergen County in just over 3 hours with no need for a rest stop. I can dash into my son’s home, grab him and his gear, stuff him in the car – after I make him sanitize his hands – and hoof it back to Massachusetts, again with no pit stops. Yeah, I can do it. I won’t get infected with Coronavirus. My son isn’t infected. He won’t catch it in my car. TheEx isn’t sick. He can’t give it to me. Just in case I won’t even use TheEx’s rest room when I pick kiddo up. I can “hold it” for 7-8 hours total.

No, no I can’t. Not with the amount of coffee I drink, and will need to drink at 3:00 a.m. I’ll be lucky if I make it through Massachusetts without needing to pee by the side of the road. That would invite some strange looks and possibly a stop by one of MA’s finest.

Then there’s the matter of quarantine. Massachusetts has a 14 day self-quarantine to visitors to the state. Yes, I see this as my son’s home, but the Public Safety Department might go by my son’s legitimate address, which is, NJ, meaning he’s a visitor. Where am I going to quarantine kiddo for 14 days?

Also, I’d have to make it through Connecticut and New York. Connecticut also has a 14 day quarantine for visitors in effect. So does that mean kiddo and I would have to hole up somewhere in Danbury on our way back? Would I have to hole up in Hartford on my way down?

I check New York State and New York City’s government websites. More of the same. Oooh! In New York City I can be reported for not maintaining social distancing rules. Say! Does that mean I need to stay 6 feet away from my kiddo? Will people who see us together know we’re related?

All of this assumes I don’t get pulled over in New Jersey for violating its stay at home order.

Speaking of which, I don’t know what TheEx’s new wife or daughter have been doing. Have they been exposed and are just not showing symptoms?

What if I go down there and somewhere along the way, someone in my wide, loopy, coparenting family – 2 parents, 2 step parents, 1 step-sibling, and, of course, LM#1 – does get sick? How will I feel?

I am not feeling claustrophobic. I don’t feel a need to get out of the house, or interact live and in person with other people. I don’t want to stroll a mall, or visit a museum, or go out to dinner. My desire to hit the open highway was vanquished on a single 30 minute ride into the office last Friday.

I very much want to spend time with my son again.

Every day, I consider just hitting the road and going for broke to New Jersey. Every time I do, I fall down the travel logistics rabbit hole I just described. Can’t stay home. Can’t stay away. Need to stay home. Need to stay away.

This SUCKS!

This is Long Distance, Non-Custodial Pandemic Parenting.

Maybe I need to let Ella have at it with my REAL crosstrainers.

Author:

Java-fueled, keyboard-powered editor, proofreader, proposal manager, and copywriter. Long distance Mom, adopted HooMom to 2 bed-hogging 70lb+ canines, and workaholic word nerd.

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